Silicon Valley – In what industry experts are calling “the most expensive equipment rental since Blockbuster charged late fees,” Meta has inked a jaw-dropping $10 billion agreement with Google Cloud to lease NVIDIA GPUs, marking one of the largest cloud computing deals in history and confirming that Jensen Huang has somehow achieved the business equivalent of a perpetual motion money machine.
The Deal That Made Jensen’s Leather Jacket Even More Expensive
The agreement, which was reportedly signed on a golden tablet using ink made from liquefied cryptocurrency, will see Meta gaining access to Google’s vast NVIDIA GPU infrastructure to power its AI ambitions.
Industry insiders suggest the deal is so large that Jensen Huang was seen doing cartwheels in the NVIDIA parking lot while simultaneously ordering a custom leather jacket made from the hides of extinct unicorns.
“We’ve never seen anything quite like this,” said tech analyst Dr. Sarah Chipsworth, adjusting her glasses while staring at numbers that required scientific notation.
“Meta is essentially paying rent that’s higher than the GDP of most small countries, just to borrow Google’s fancy calculators that happen to be really good at teaching computers how to generate memes.”
Zuckerberg: “It’s Just Business, Bro”
“Look, we needed the compute power, and Google had it,” Zuckerberg explained while practicing his most convincing human blink pattern. “Ten billion is basically pocket change when you consider we spent twelve billion on the metaverse and all we got was cartoon legs that don’t work properly.”
The Meta CEO added that the company views this as a strategic investment in their AI future, though sources close to the deal report he was heard muttering something about “should have just bought more servers” while stress-eating data cookies.
Google Executives Reportedly “Trying Not to Laugh”
Google Cloud CEO Thomas Kurian was reportedly seen counting stacks of money, Kurian said:
“We’re thrilled to partner with Meta in this historic agreement that definitely doesn’t make us feel like we’re running the world’s most profitable equipment rental business. This deal proves that Google Cloud is the premier destination for companies who need to spend absolutely staggering amounts of money on artificial intelligence.”
Unnamed Google employees have been spotted wearing t-shirts reading “My Boss Sold GPUs to Meta and All I Got Was This Ridiculously Enormous Bonus.”
Jensen Huang: Professional Winner, Amateur Human
NVIDIA’s CEO Jensen Huang, who has now achieved a level of business success that economists are calling “mathematically unreasonable,” released a statement while reportedly lying on a bed made entirely of graphics cards:
“NVIDIA remains committed to accelerating the world’s AI revolution, and if that means Mark Zuckerberg wants to pay Google to pay us enough money to buy several medium-sized countries, well, that’s just the free market working exactly as intended.”
Financial analysts note that Huang’s net worth has increased so rapidly that Forbes has given up trying to calculate it and now simply lists it as “Yes.”
Industry Impact: Everyone Else Checks Their Couch Cushions for Spare Billions
The deal has sent shockwaves through Silicon Valley, with other tech companies reportedly searching their office furniture for loose change and considering selling organs to afford similar GPU access.
Amazon Web Services released a statement saying they’re “totally fine” with the arrangement and definitely not crying into their server racks. Meanwhile, Microsoft Azure executives were spotted at a local pawn shop, trying to trade Xbox consoles for NVIDIA stock.
“This changes everything,” explained tech industry veteran Bob Chipmaker while updating his LinkedIn to “Available for GPU-related emergencies.” “We’re entering an era where renting computer equipment costs more than most nations’ defense budgets. It’s like the dot-com boom, except this time the bubble is filled with artificial intelligence and an alarming amount of Jensen Huang’s laughter.”
The Real Winner: NVIDIA’s Accounting Department
NVIDIA’s financial team has reportedly requested hazard pay for dealing with numbers that their calculators cannot properly display. The company’s quarterly earnings call is expected to break several mathematical conventions and possibly cause spreadsheet software to achieve consciousness.
“We had to invent new accounting terms,” explained NVIDIA CFO Colette Kress, speaking from her new office that’s just a swimming pool filled with hundred-dollar bills. “Phrases like ‘ridiculously profitable’ and ‘making money faster than we can count it’ are now official line items in our financial reports.”
What This Means for the Future
Industry experts predict this deal could set a precedent for other astronomical tech expenditures, with rumors already swirling about potential future agreements including:
- Apple paying $15 billion to rent the entire internet for their next iPhone launch
- Tesla leasing the moon from NASA for $20 billion to test their Mars rockets
- TikTok purchasing the concept of time itself for an undisclosed amount
As one industry observer noted while updating their resume to include “GPU sommelier” as a skill: “In a world where companies spend ten billion dollars to rent computer equipment, the only certainty is that Jensen Huang will continue to win at capitalism until the heat death of the universe.”
The deal is expected to close next quarter, assuming Meta can find a bank capable of processing a transaction that large without their systems assuming it’s a typo and asking “Did you mean $10?”
This story is developing, mostly because our calculators keep breaking when we try to do the math.